Emily: · The · Forgotten · Disney · Princess

This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.

I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

This weekend was amazing. Thursday night, I spent 3 hours at Marble Slab and even helped close up! That was fun. After that, I went to Becca's house. We listened to "Rent," "Tick, Tick...BOOM!" and "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee." I LOVE musicals. I was up until 5:30 AM and woke up at 7:00, so I had a super exciting time with that.

Friday, we were supposed to leave at 8:30, but we left at 9:15 instead. Typical academic team lateness. Justin and I sang "Tomorrow" from Annie in the hallway, so that was fun. We were supposed to take the OW van down to Gainesville, but, apparently, it's unsafe to have 11 people or more in a 15-seater van, so we had to take the mini-bus. Mrs. Cook doesn't have a CDL license, but Dr. Mosely (from Rocky Bayou) does, so he drove the bus and Rocky Bayou rode with us. On the way down, they were all in the front studying, and then there was us. Kara, Austin, Terry, Ben, and I were watching "Minority Report." Adam was watching "Saw." Ruthie was sleeping/text messaging. Brittney was sleeping. Jake was listening to music. Then we went to Firehouse Subs for lunch. After that, all the sophomores were doing something (I'm not quite sure what), and Ruthie and I were talking in ridiculous accents, trying to get the Rocky kids to join us. They didn't, but Justin, Luke, and Carlos talked to us. That was really fun. We got to our hotel and had time to put our stuff in there and listen to some of my CD's. I love my CD's. After that, we went to UF for 5 rounds of questions. We played Eastside B, then we had a BYE, played Lincoln B, played Fort Walton, and played some other school (I don't know their name). We won all 5 of those. We went to Moe's for dinner, and I listened to Ben's iPod. He has some good music. I gave Kara a piggy-back ride back to the bus. We went back to the hotel and listened to Grease, singing along with every song. I love Grease. Oh, I forgot to say who was in my room. There was me, Kara, Becca, Ruthie, and Brittney. 5 girls, a king-sized bed, a pull-out couch, and a rollaway bed.

We had to be awake, have eaten breakfast, packed, and in the lobby with all our stuff at 8:15 in the morning! That was really interesting. Getting ready was even better. 5 girls, 1 bathroom, all of us trying to get dressed. Saturday, we still had 4 rounds to do. We played Florida State University School (lost), another school (won), Cedar Shoals (won), and another school (won). William Frederick Beyer, III was there. He's pretty much my favorite moderator. We're old pals. He loves me. At the FSU tournament, he said I answer all the trash questions, and I proved him correct at UF last year, FSU, Valencia, and UF this year. He read for 3 of our rounds. After those 4 rounds, we had lunch. About half of us went to Leonardo's for pizza, but all the cool people stayed to go to the arcade downstairs. We played DDR, and I totally pwned Becca (of course, I was on Beginner, and she was on Standard, but whatever). Then I got a smoothie (mmm) and a chicken sandwich. I like chicken. We had an 8-1 win-loss record, so we were tied for first in our bracket, so we made it into he playoffs. We lost the first round of that to Plant City by 20 points. They got a bonus about Rent and knew who directed the movie (Chris Colombus), because he directed Harry Potter 1 and 2. They didn't know who wrote it (Jonathan Larson), the name if the stripper (Mimi Marquez), or the name of the computer nerd (Tom Collins). It really upset me,a dn I felt like crying. I knew every answer, and the worst part was that I knew the toss-up that lead to that bonus, but I was timid. We decided that when we think we're up against a good team, we're timid, afraid to mess up. There were so many questions that we knew that we didn't answer. But, oh well, it's over.

On the way back to Niceville, we had a party in the back of the bus. It was really fun. Yeah.

Today, I went and saw "Rent" (FINALLY!) with Jonathan Webster. He said if he didn't like the movie, he was going to cut my head off, so this could be my last entry. I thought it was amazing. If you haven't seen it yet, you need to. After the movie, we saw Justin and Jessica at Johnny Rocket's so we talked to them far a little while. That was fun. On the way home, I went to Target and bought the "Rent" soundtrack and "All The Right Reasons," Nickelback's newest CD. I just really had a good weekend.

Yesterday was my parents' anniversary. That was weird. My little sister won a spelling bee yesterday, so she's going to State in February. I'm really excited for her.

On a sadder note, today (December 4, 2005) is my 2-year anniversary of bing single. It sucks, but I did a thing on MySpace, and it said that this week, I will get a boyfriend, make 20 new friends, get A+'s on all my tests, and fall in love. So, I won't be single for much longer, because I totally believe in those things. I really hate being single. It's not even that I want a certain person (although, right now I do). It's just that I want to feel like somebody out there cares about me, not like they like me and they're my friend, but that they really care about me. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I just really need to feel that, but I probably won't for another two years. I don't know. It just seems like everything in my life is falling apart at the same time, and theings that have always been there are made worse by the fact that everyone around me isn't experiencing them. Maybe MySpace isn't lying this time. I sure do hope it isn't.

So, I had a super boring day. Actually, I didn't. I don't know why I said that. I sewed a button onto a piece of flannel, so that was fun. And I studied anatomy with Luke for two hours. I went to Tropical Smoothie after school, and I didn't get anything. I got to try Jonathan Webster's smoothie, though, and it was really good...strawberry kiwi. Then I went back to school for All-County Academic Team try-outs. I don't know how I did. I want to, though. Yeah. I is bored. I have nothing to do. I don't have to write my paper for World Civ. I guess I could do Academic Team questions, but I really don't feel like it. I have a cut on my toe, and I don't know where it came from. I need to buy new clothes. I have nothing for cold weather, and I'm going to die. Yesterday in LMS, we had people come talk to us about child abuse. I would have rather been "sandpapering the asshole of an alligator in a phonebooth" than been in that room. Most of you know why. Kaydee and I went to K-Mart this morning and bought apple juice, Hershey's Kisses, sour spray, and gum. I carried a bottle of apple juice around all day, and at 3:00, it was empty. I was bringing Adrian and JR home after the academic team thing, and I was in a really long turn lane to turn onto Racetack Road, and I was driving in it, and this black car moved into the turn lane RIGHT NEXT TO ME! I had to move onto the median to keep from getting hit/sideswiped. Asshole. Anyways, I hit a car yesterday. it was a Navigator. Yeah. It had a huge dent; my car shows no signs of damage. I want to talk to someone. I don't care who. If you're reading this, call me. 499-8515


( Conditional Love Oppurtunity )

I read that book exactly one year ago...Anyways, I'm finally home...just walked in the door. I'm super glad Kaydee is back! YAYAYAYAYAY! If anyone wants to go see "RENT" tomorrow, er, today at 4:10 at the Rave, that would be super-exciting. (Kaydee and John, I am talking to you. Please call me.) So, Vina SUCKS! We go every year because my grandmother guilts my mom into it. "But we only see you this once for a whole year." Also, I have started a list of words that are not and never will be words. Git, piller (referring to the fluffy thing that goes beneath your head when you sleep), yer (your), asspern (Ibuprofen...two different things), among others. Things that I will never watch again in my life: Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy...Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends...Camp Lazlo...OMG! I hate Cartoon Network! Good movies: Monster-In-Law, Shaun of the Dead, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Really uneventful last 4 days...hoping to see people at RENT tomorrow...if you want to go, give me a call...850-499-8515

I haven't updated (like a real update) in a while, so I decided to grace you with news of my life.

Monday - Didn't go to a single class...nice, right? Oh wait, I did go to LMS. Also, I decided to audit Ethics, Voice, Piano, and Guitar

Tuesday - Went to Anatomy and Physiology...drama was cancelled...went to Wendy's with Becca...went to Rocky Bayou play (it was bad)...went home

Wednesday - Went to World Civ...that is all...took a test...thought I failed it

Thursday - VERY FUN DAY! Didn't go to any classes, but I did go to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at 12:01, then to Becca's with Kiersten, Chad, Lindsay, and Becca...her brother was there too...yeah...that was fun

Friday - Went to World Civ...that is all...got test back (87, good, since i went to 2/7 lecture days)...also got back paper that was a week and a half late...got a B, said it was an A paper...stupid due dates...dance was lame, but i successfully did'nt cry...things are looking up

Saturday - napped for a while...babysat from 2:30 to 6:30...paid back my sister...went to movies with grace...we were going to see "walk the line" at 7:15, but it was sold out, so we saw derailed at 7:50...OMG Rated R for several reasons...anyways, 20 minutes into the movie, these 12 year olds come in, laughing and being really loud and sat right in front of Grace and me, and they talked throughout the entire movie...the whole time, i wanted to kick them, so at the end, i did, and this girl flew outof her chair...I will show you my impression of her tomorrow of you want...It's pretty humorous

Sunday(today) - I was a lazy bum...I went to Target and got a wallet and an umbrella (it's basically my new favorite store)...then went to panera and got a D'Peach Mode...then went home and started "working on my homework"




( The Week To Come )

I really shouldn't like him. I shouldn't, and I know that, and I don't understand why I like him. It comfuses me so much. But I do like him, and I don't know what to do. I don't think he likes me back, so maybe I'll never have to worry about what to do. I don't know. I need to write my paper so I can go see Harry Potter tomorrow.

This is the first time I've ever just been at school doing nothing since I started driving. I'm going to the Rocky Bayou play at 7:00, and I have nothing to do right now. I was going to go to a friend's house, but I decided not to. So now, I'm sitting in the LRC doing this. Josh Moore (Becca's brother) is gonna go to the play, too, so that should be fun. I want to check my MySpace...stupid school servers. Nothing of note really happened today, except drama was cancelled, so Becca and I went to Wendy's.

I really like a boy, but I'm not sure if he likes me back. I hope he does, and I think he might. That would be so exciting if he did. I'm basically tired of being single. So yeah, nothing else to say. Bye!

I love my friends so much...if you are reading this, you probably are one, and I probably love you. I want to thank all of you for always being there for me, no matter what, and I want you to know that I am here for you. If you need help with anything from suicide contemplation (nice, right?) to a math problem, don't hesitate to call me. My phone is on and you all know I love to talk. 499-8515 <3 Emily

My mom kicked my dad out. He hired a hooker and rented a hotel room and my mom saw his car there and said she never wanted to touch him again. We're going to a hotel room tonight, because she doesn't want us near him. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel. My life is falling apart. This is my SOS.

HMMM...last time I updated was Wednesday, so I guess I'll write about what'a happened since Wednesday.
Thursday - I went to school, and my mommy was there, because she had CPE for two days. Remember the "TEST OF DEATH" I was talking about last Thursday? Well, I got it back, and I got a 193/180, so that was exciting. I also got a 29/25 on my lab test for histology. I really like A&P, and I think Dr. McArthur is a really good teacher. I sang my ITS song for Clint, which by the way, I decided to change, so it was my first time singing it in front of people. Now I'm singing "I Can Do Better Than That" from "The Last 5 Years." I really like this song. I decided not to do "Still Hurting," because I decided it hit a little too close to home, so I picked a funny song. I'm excited about it. After Drama, Ruthie and I went to Wendy's and talked for two hours, so that was good. We talked about everything. I don't get to talk to Ruthie very often, because there are always people around her. I went to Teen Night at Island Raceway, because Stacey begged me. Three whole people showed up, and it was super-lame.
Friday - On Friday, I pretty much did nothing all day until 4:30. At 4:30, I took my little sister to see Chicken Little, and the movie was pretty cute. After that, I babysat from 6:00 to 1:30. That was fun. I absolutely love Helena; she's pretty much my favorite person in the world. We played Care Bears, Hello Kitty, and Dora the Explorer computer games.
Saturday - Saturday was a good day. I liked it. I didn't wake up until around 11, and I felt like such a bum. I watched Saw, because I found out I own it, so that was exciting. It was a pretty schweet movie. My little sister had a district spelling bee, and she got first, so that was a really big deal for her. I went and saw SAW II with Kaitlyn and her friend, Montaine. It was super good, and the end was SUCH A SURPRISE! I was like "Holy Crap!" But anyways, before the movie, I went to Marble Slab to visit Becca, and that was fun, even though she didn't give me the hook-up. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I forgot to write about my time spent with Stacey. Stacey found out that her ex-boyfriend, who her mom made her break up with, got a job at Best Buy, and we already knew Fleetwood worked there, so we decided to go to Best Buy so Stacey could stalk them. I bought Ron White's CD while we were there, and our cashier was Anthony Elferez, my 6th grade crush. It was really weirde. Then we went to Sonic, and I got a grilled chicken sandwich. *surprise, surprise*

My mom just got home, and started yelling at my dad. I think he's moving out. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or how I'm supposed to feel. I think I'll stay in my room.